Remember last post I told you I would rather have someone who would stay beside me and not say a word than those who would speak so many bullshit just to make me feel better? Let me talk a bit about this guy.
Obviously I am not going to mention his real name, but let’s just call him Arlo. Like many other friendships, ours also had an accidental starting point. One of my friend lived at the same dorm as he was and since then Arlo joined our group of friends. Funny thing is that I’m not even friends with the others anymore except for Arlo. He always knew how to make me laugh, we share many interests, like eating, singing, playing guitar. The best part is that we have the same sense of humor. In our group of friends he was always the funny one, everyone in campus loves him because he’s funny and always brings joy to people. I am just glad I got him as my best friend. Arlo got his ups and downs too, he had troubles with few people in our campus, but the majority of people still love him anyway, including me. This is not going to be a story about a guy or girl trapped in a friendzone, no, we are genuinely like brother and sister. I have seen his junk and have a polaroid picture of him in nothing but his underwear, and he has touched and seen my boobs. Still, it disgusts us just thinking about being more than friends.
Fun fact, he was the first person who told me about my cheating ex. Maybe I will discuss more about my cheating ex (who thought he was so sly, but boy no) later, but for now, long story short, couple of my close friends (at least i thought they were), caught my ex with a girl in a coffee shop. They decided not to tell me but Arlo, being the good friend he was, told me. I’m glad he did, because no matter how hard he denied it, my ex meant to cheat. Anyway, I was never a jealous girlfriend, I didn’t check on my boyfriend’s phone (although he checked mine many times), I never cared about him meeting his ex or a friends that are girls, I trusted him. So I was like ok, this girl could be anyone, I wouldn’t make such a big deal about it. I’m going to tell you the details later but let’s just say it got obvious that she was his side chick.
My life was never the same after that. After months of mourning, I developed anxiety disorder, DR/DP, and depression. 2016 was the worst, but thanks to Arlo, I still got good days. We were inseparable, he would just hang in my apartment doing nothing. We would be lazy together, he would watch movies with me, eat in with me, sleep all day with me, he was my alone compaion. It’s lovely how being lonely is painful, but being lonely with someone is the best feeling ever. He wouldn’t ask questions, he just knew I needed his company. We grew closer and closer now, I never thought we would be this close as friends, this is even closer than what I shared with my other friend back home (Let’s call her Keira, we’ve been friends for almost 10 years now). We would share secrets, we would go to one another to consult, we would share our problems, and we would help one another. But beside that, we were so good at being lonely together. Then when we were in campus we would put on our mask and be the clown everybody wanted us to be. There are many other great things, that hopefully will come up in later’s post, about Arlo, but one thing for sure is that we want the absolute best for one another. We would never let the other one feel lonely alone.
He has been the biggest support, the most important part of my healing, and he doesn’t even know that. To be fucking honest, I would prefer that kind of support. But hey, everyones different, and what works for one doesn’t always work for the others. So you do you, find the support you need but remember they are there just to “support”, you still got to do all the works, do not depend your feelings on them. Hell, it can be things, or hobbies, not necessarily people. Whatever it is that will help you move on, help you focus on something else beside you heartbreak, your depression, or your anxiety. Whatever can make you forget for a while that they are there, precious enough for you to ignore your mental illness for a while, live above it, and focus on this thing/person/hobbies.