3 am thoughts

He’s late again. Not just an hour or two, he’s not with you yet when he was supposed to be there 10 hours ago. The last time it happened you were determined to end it all. Left him for good. But then he came crawling back, and then you, lured by his sweet lies. Even after the broken promises, the girl he said was no one even after those flirty texts you found, and their 2-3 hours long calls, you still took him back.

Now it’s 3 am, you’re waiting for him in your bed, crying listening to some music you thought would make you feel better but no. Does this feel familiar to you? You should have left him long time ago. Silly girl. To think that he would change for you. To give him the benefit of the doubt by convincing yourself that maybe tonight something really did happen to him that he needed to sort out. It’s always like that, isn’t it? When he somehow kept all of his promises with his other friends while you lost contact with yours to be with him. When you sin for him and gave your innocence away because once upon a time you actually believed that this love was real, that you and him are going to be together forever, get married, and be a family. You opened up. Oh girl, you opened up like you never did before (literally and figuratively). The person you were afraid of becoming, the things you never were interested in doing, you let your guard down and gave them all up for him because your stupid heart believed in true love. Keep on writing, does this feel familiar to you? The heartache you could only pour out on a piece of paper (or in this case the internet). When will this stop? Stop torturing yourself because he will not stop.

Maybe tonight he actually ran into some trouble. It has been a thousand nights and your silly heart still believe the bullshit you’re trying to tell yourself.

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